Listening In
Part Five
"Duo. Come on."
"Just a minute..."
"You've been saying that for the past hour and a half."
"I know. And I mean it this time. Only a minute!"
"I swear, Maxwell, if you don't get her out from under the bed in the next ten minutes, we're leaving her."
"No fucking way, Yuy. We are not leaving Shira to starve!"
"Duo, you're exaggerating. We'll be gone for three days. If you leave her food and--"
"I said no. My baby is not going to be locked in the house all weekend. She'll get scared!"
"Your baby? Wasn't it last week when you were saying you were going to cut 'your baby's' tail off?"
"Ah, but I didn't! If I do anything, I'll decapitate that stupid rodent. Hasn't he ever heard 'don't bite the hand that feeds you?'"
"...For some reason, I doubt it. Anyways, he's a lagomorph."
"The fuck?"
"He isn't a rodent. Rabbits are part of the lagomorph family."
"And rodent sounds much more insulting, thank you very much."
"Duo. Five minutes."
"Heero! Get your hand our from under that bed! You're scaring her!"
"Duo, she's a cat. This morning we got Rover to the kennel in ten minutes. Flopsy and Peter were at the neighbor's in no time at all. Scythe and Kibbles pranced outside with no incident. Now will you tell me why the fuck that cat won't get out from under the damn bed and do what she's told like the rest of your zoo?"
"...Did you just say pranced?"
"Shut the hell up, Duo."
"Yuy, you are something else. ...Now get out from under the bed so I can get Shira!"
"Whatever you say, Maxwell. You're the one who's going to get pinned with Quatre's puppy eyes when we get to the reunion late."
"Au, contraire. You are the one who's going to have to face an angry Trowa for allowing me to arrive at the reunion late."
"Three minutes..."
"Shoo! Leave me and my baby alone!"
"...Fine."
*Five minutes later*
"Fuck! Damn! Shit! You motherfucking... Err! I can't even call you a rodent! I'm going to kill you!"
"Duo?"
"Look at this, Yuy, look at it! She ripped a hole in my hand! And my arm! Look at it, it's like the size of China!"
"You've been shot. You've broken numerous ribs. You've been concussed and number of things I don't even want to get into. And you're complaining about a scratch?"
"You'll regret that when I get rabies and die!"
"You took Shira in for a rabies shot last month. I think you're safe."
"Shut up. If you can do better, you get her out from under the damn bed!"
"Hn."
"...That is ridiculous. I've been trying to get her for two hours and you do it in a minute. How did you do that?!"
"Iams."
"...That's it?"
"The turkey dinner special."
"Yuy. That is cheating."
"It worked better than cooing at her like a baby, didn't it?"
"I wasn't 'cooing'. I was coaxing."
"Just take the damn cat and put it outside, Duo."
"Uh uh, no way, man. Look at what she did to my arms! You got her out from under there, you take her outside."
"Fine. Go get in the car then. I don't want to have to deal with Trowa."
"Whatever you say, boss."
"And, Duo?"
"What, babe?"
"I'm driving. Another Shira is the last thing we need."
"Come on, 'Ro, I'm not that bad."
"Duo, you killed another rabbit last week."
"I'll have you know, driving a car is much more complicated that piloting a Gundam. When you're piloting a Gundam, you're trying to plow things down. I can't help it, it's instinct!"
"I think it has more to do with your anger management issues than instinct."
"...Fine. You can drive."
"That's what I thought."
"Oh, and just so you know. If we don't leave in the next minute we're going to miss our flight."